It has been a very long time since I have added to the What It Looks Like (WILL) series. We are at the aggression section. Obviously, this is a category that I have completely filled in to max severity. I’m not proud of that. But it’s true. I have been on a high dose of Prozac for several years now due to my tendency to snap over anything. Which, when I think about it, is really odd. I tend to not get mad at things that most people get mad at. I measure this by those around me. And when I do become enraged, I take it out on inanimate objects, only hurting myself in the process. I’ve injured myself, moderately, for the most part. I’ve broken many things.
Most of the things that spark my rage tend to be things I do or mistakes I make right at that moment. The time I slammed my round hair brush was due to the fact that I kept burning myself on the same spot with a flat iron. Ridiculous. But I threw the flat iron and whacked the wall corner with the brush, which dented it. Another time, I took an oscillating fan and swung it like a baseball bat at the wall… not sure what provoked me there.
I can still get unreasonably mad, even on mood stabilizers. But I haven’t erupted in over a year now. The last time, I broke a lot of dishes. A LOT. My ex pushed my buttons, and I was in the kitchen, so kitchen things got thrown. It was a black-out moment. Again, not proud.
Having been diagnosed with ASD has helped, as I am far more understanding with myself, and I can see where things are coming from. I have also been able to keep myself out of situations that might trigger aggression as well. This includes finally moving out and separating from my ex. That particular change has really made a world of difference.
Female Divergent 